Thoughts.

I'd thought it through. I want to have a good future whereby I get to do what I love. I want to get into the course I want. Into the polytechnic I want. Therefore, study i shall!!!!!!! Please slap me in real life or virtually if you ever see me slacking. Not kidding! Alright ciao and wish me luck. I'll need it so much until my Os are over. Few months left and I'll make the most out of it. And my time in Dunman is coming to an end too...well, mixed feelings about that. Okay, goodbye! :-)

xx
Belicia.S

Dreams

I have dreams and ambitions THAT big that I do not know if my little being is able to achieve them.

Love story

Yesterday was the Romeo & Juliet play! It was a Singapore production which explains some of them speaking really Singaporean but overall, it was not too bad! I would very much prefer it to be more traditional with the outfits and all but I guess the modernized version worked pretty okay. Honestly, it wasn't THAT fantastic but it was still enjoyable to watch. There are a lot of sexual references too I don't know why haha! Alright goodbye. -abrupt closure to blog entry-

Meh

So...I ain't feeling that happy tonight o well. The thing is, I guess all I need is someone who wants to talk to me and show me attention. Turns out i'm just another attention-seeking whore hahaha. Nah, actually, aren't we all like that? You get lonely because there's no one to talk to and this feeling kinda sucks. Perhaps we're all vulnerable in our own ways. Just gotta suck it up and keep living. Ha. Goodnight.

WHOOPS

What is up guys!

Hush, I know I haven't been blogging here!

Well......I'm actually blogging on WordPress now.

And also because there is a WordPress app on Blackberry but not a Blogger one. 

Makes blogging much easier when I'm on the go!

And therefore I'm in a HUGE dilemma on whether to keep this blog.

The thing is, Blogger is still the most known site and most of my friends use Blogger......

PLUS, I've been blogging on Blogger since 2008?

All my posts, pictures, memories and what nots are stuck here.

Am i able to move them all over to WordPress? 

I guess not.

O well!

Dangggggg i need suggestions. 

All right, I'm off to decide if i'm staying put here.

Or maybe i'll change to a much simpler blogskin and ditch WordPress....

Anyway, ciao for now!

:) 

xx 

Belicia.S

too afraid

Hi, i just needed to blog.

I don't know how people can live life so freely.

Don't you feel the pinch? Don't you feel hurt? Don't you feel the need to cry every now and then?

You feel like you need someone there for you because you can't handle it alone.

But there's no one.

Or maybe there is, but you just can't open up. You just can't.

Don't you feel as though everything just crashes upon you and you just need to be saved.

Saved from whatever you're facing.

You just wanna get out from whatever you're heading towards because you don't want to crash.

You don't want to crash head on.

You don't want to get hurt. Not from anyone. Anyone you love in particular.

Don't you ever feel like your heart and mind is always weighing you down.

You feel so heavy.

All you want to do is get away from everything.

Shut your mind and clear off every single thought.

But you can't.

So you end up on your bed with a million thoughts.

You end up in tears, non-stop tears.

You realize that you're actually crying from being upset and no one can make you feel better, so you cry even more at the fact that you're horribly depressed without anyone to help.

Don't you just hate it.

That there isn't a single night that you go to bed feeling happy?

Don't you think about how you can survive every night feeling like shit?

And why the heck you're still here in your damn room when you can leap of the building or something?

Well, me too.

i never told you

Hi guys. 

So sorry for abandoning this blog.......I never thought i could go on a day without blogging!

But i did, close to it being a month.

Probably cuz after having a smart phone, i don't really get on the computer as often as i used to.

In fact, almost never. Except for now.

Well, I just wanna ask how are you guys?

How's school?

It's been quite busy for me. 

And it IS taking a toll on me and my sleep :-(

Hais.

I don't know man.

I've just never felt genuinely happy.

I tried to....really, i did.

I don't wanna be this emotional too but I can't help it.

It's like you see me being VERY HYPER in school and all that, but at night, you bet I'm the emo-est bitch ever.

I should stop thinking so much.

God knows why my mind likes to wander about.

I just don't really know what to do, where to start, how to feel, what to feel.

And I'm lacking behind my studies. That sucks.

I just want to have everything around me in order, the way i want it to be.

I don't know how to go about in making all these changes.

I feel so lost and helpless.

It's like every other steps i make, makes me wanna die.

It's like I'm drowning and with every movement while I'm struggling in the water, I'm draining out the energy i have and I'll just be weak in the knees and everywhere else. And then i drown.

It's like with every path i walk into, I'll just get lost deeper and deeper in a maze. And i can't get out.

AHHHH whatever.

The above is just some stupid rant that takes up your time to read.

Sorry if you already have, haha.

Bye, you should be doing something more productive than reading my useless rants.

~

oh hi?

Hello.

It's been more than half a month since i'd updated here.

THIS IS BECAUSE i have not used the computer.

And the reason why I'm on here today is because i have a research to do :)

Anyway, just a little update on how i've been doing.

It's been....tough.

I think it is for everyone especially graduating classes.

But it's just a whole different kind of stress for me.

I worry about things that people don't. 

I have problems that people do not face.

It's just hard for me to handle and i hide.

I wanna run away sometimes or just.....jump off a damn building or some sort.

What i've been doing after school?

Come home immediately, take my lunch and head to bed for a nap.

That's my way of relieving stress i guess because i will be asleep.

No thoughts.

And after that few hours of sleep, I get up feeling shitty all over again.

It's a continuous vicious cycle and i have no idea when will i get out of this.

I hope soon because i want to be me.

I want to be free.

I'm tying myself away from doing the things i want.

And avoiding people.

I have alot of issues with myself and the only place i want to be is Home where there are no disturbance.

And btw, I've gotten the flu bug + sorethroat + having period.

Been feeling so sick and sneezing a thousand times a day.

Not forgetting losing my appetite.

Definitely lost the weight i'd gained during the past few months.

Sigh, wasted efforts.

Now, on to changing myself.

I want to feel better.

All in all, i want to be someone whom i want to be and right now I'm not.

I need goddamn time but it aint on my side.

O well. 

I shall cross my fingers for now, that somehow, someday i'll be okay.

Christmas!

Hey guys.
This Christmas, I went to town with Joey and met up with the bunch of guy friends who COINCIDENTALLY had plans to slack at town too.
Since it's Christmas and all.......we CAN act silly hahaha.
So here's a picture. Just one.

Ok bye.

Christmas Eve!

Hi there. 

In my new room but you can't see most part of it :b

Well, I'm just here to wish y'all a Happy Holidays! (i know it's ending...but it's Christmas in almost 2 hours)

Can you spot a few toys at the back? 

Wall-E says Merry Christmas to all of you!(ha ha lame)

Btw, Wall-E is from Paris Disneyland heh x)

Oh, I'm gonna head out to town with Joey tomorrow 8)

Alrighty, ciao! xxxxxx

Love,